Thanks for nothing (except these things)
How I made peace with gratitude
Hi there,
It started a couple of weeks ago with the sales emails. Dozens of them - Black Friday Preview. Black Friday VIP Access. Early Black Friday. Sneak Peek Black Friday. Halloween is barely over and here we were, being told to upgrade everything we own. As a Brit, I still find it a bit mad how seriously we’ve started taking Black Friday when we don’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I’ve started sounding like my mum, muttering things like “it’s all just American nonsense” while deleting twenty emails about smart TVs and hoovers I don’t want (okay, maybe I kind of want that new Dyson vac, ssshhh!). And of course, being me, that set off a whole mini spiral of me ranting to whoever would listen about the true, terrible origins of Thanksgiving. But after all that, once I’d climbed down from my soapbox and had a snack, I got to thinking. Not about the sales or horrible history, but about gratitude.
I used to have a real problem with gratitude.
Not in a pessimistic “glass half empty” way exactly, more in a “don’t tell me to feel grateful while I’m crying on the Central Line” way. The whole gratitude thing felt… smug. Sanctimonious. A bit too vision-boardy for my taste. And honestly, the way people talked about gratitude made it feel like something you had to fake until you made it. Slap on a smile through heartbreak. Be thankful for the character-building of loneliness. Count your blessings while in the midst of grief.
It just didn’t click.
But eventually something changed for me. Maybe it was age. Maybe it was burnout. Maybe it was realising that, yes, life was often hard and unfair and messy, but also that EastEnders doing a genuinely great Christmas special could still be something to feel grateful for.
That’s when it landed for me.
Gratitude didn’t need to be lofty or polished. It didn’t need a journal or a quote or a scented candle. It just needed me to notice, pay attention and to give thanks for what is, not what might be one day when everything is finally perfect.
Because perfection is a moving target you’ll never hit. And if we’re waiting until life looks like a Nancy Meyers romcom with hardwood floors, a farmhouse kitchen and a partner who makes delicious frozen margaritas green juice, we’ll miss the tiny, beautiful, stupid, sacred moments that actually make life worth it. The cup of tea brought unprompted. The friend who texts you “home safe?” after a night out. That stunning coat that makes you feel like yourself again when the temperature drops.
Gratitude, it turns out, doesn’t ask you to be in denial. It just asks you to be present. And to admit that some things, even in the middle of the madness, are still good.
So this month, in honour of the season (and the Americans who do this well), I’m letting myself feel thankful. Not in a cheesy, overwrought, “Oh my God, I’m so blessed” way. But in a grounded, fierce and sometimes funny way.
And I hope you will too.
WorkWell Wisdom
“Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life” -Rumi
Gratitude isn’t just for highlight reels. It’s for Tuesday mornings when the heating works and your milk hasn’t curdled in your coffee. It’s for the ordinary days when someone holds the door open for you. Or sees you clearly. Or says “I’ve got this” and means it.
If you’re still unsure, here are some prompts to help you connect with real-life gratitude:
What moment this year made you feel deeply, unexpectedly glad to be alive?
Who has made your life better lately… and have you told them?
What’s one thing you once took for granted that you now treasure?
Let it be weird, specific or messy. Gratitude that sticks usually is.
WorkWell Recommends
Read: Gratitude by Oliver Sacks
A slim but powerful collection of essays written near the end of his life. It’s a sharp, honest and deeply moving reflection on what it means to live, and be thankful, right to the end.
Watch: Somebody Feed Phil (Netflix)
It’s hard not to smile watching Phil Rosenthal (the creator of Everybody Loves Raymond) joyfully eat his way around the world, hugging strangers and tearing up over soup. The show is a love letter to food, people, and shared joy and it’s perfect if you’re craving something nourishing that isn’t too heavy.
Do: Say thank you
Send a voice note. Write a card. Shout out your friend’s small win. Gratitude grows when it’s shared and it doesn’t have to be too deep. “Thanks for helping me not lose my mind this week” is a valid and glorious thing to say.
Before you go…
You don’t need to feel grateful all the time. You don’t have to fake it or force it or find a silver lining in every challenge.
But every so often, it helps to stop and say: This mattered. That helped. I’m glad I was here for it.
Until next time,
Dulcie x
Be gentle with yourself.
Work smart, rest well, play more.
And remember… gratitude can live anywhere.